Women supporting women - Becoming aware of your own bias

I want to start this piece by asking a question: What kind of privilege do you have?

The first step is to recognise that for many the word ‘privilege’ is triggering in itself. For me, I recognise my privilege as being born into a family of immigrants who made a hard living by working day and night to make ends meet. Hence, I was the lucky one to benefit from it.

I feel I am privileged enough to have received an education, to be surrounded by diverse communities, born and bred in London. I got to experience different flavours of culture, backgrounds and race, and even freedom to explore what I enjoy doing. 

If you stick around I promise you will take away at least one of the three following things:

• Recognising your privilege and using it as a force for good

• Becoming aware of your own bias

• Putting your privilege into action 

‘Born with a silver spoon.’ Usually, this phrase means someone who is born in wealth and privilege. While some have the privilege to some degree many still have had to face struggles and overcome barriers, to have had to work hard to get where they are. My point is not to discriminate but to focus on whatever spoon you have or consider yourself to have, whether that be a ‘silver spoon’ or a ‘plastic one’, we have a responsibility to use it to scoop up and give to someone who needs help and doesn't have one. 

If you have privilege you also have responsibility. Put your privilege into action…so what kind of spoon were you born with? 

How to get comfortable with privilege and avoid shame.

Pay attention to the privilege you have. 

If this word is triggering, I totally understand, so I will start by sharing my opinion of what privilege is. 

Based on a number of factors such as culture, background, religion, nationality, race, gender, sexuality, and the list goes on, we all have a different understanding of what privilege is.

I want to focus on women supporting women in this blog. 

Why is it important for women to support women?

There are many stories about women in the workplace and how they feel judged by society. In some cultures, women receive pushback for wanting to continue to work after having children, they feel anxious about returning to work after maternity leave, or even putting themselves forward for a pay rise or promotion, even if they feel that they rightfully earned it. 

We often focus on the lack of support from men but don’t talk enough about the lack of support between women because Women face a different set of challenges, such as having to work harder for leadership roles resulting in feelings of competition with other women in the workplace rather than comradery.

I think it's important, as women, for us to share the ups and downs of our journey because if we want to raise women up we need to also understand how we can really show up for ourselves. 

Today I am using what I feel is my privilege to write some of my thoughts and the aim is to reach out to my network of people and show my admiration, my kudos and to share my experiences. 

I developed an interest in this topic after starting to work with Women In Identity and what it stood for. I started to have open conversations with our sponsors who aim to attract more diverse and inclusive talent and spoke about what comes with trying to encourage women to put themselves forward. 

Some of the feedback from the sponsors and my colleagues shared was the lack of support from women in the team or organisation, resulting in other women in the workplace not feeling supported. The more open the conversations became, the more I recognised this experience was shared amongst different women from all levels. The conflicts that were encountered with others were there when professional success was in the equation. 

The thing is, no matter how many amazing women I have come across, I have worked with some great brands that have very talented women working for them. Women are still underrepresented, at all levels of management,  and this is not due to the lack of women in workplaces. 

Unconscious bias, we are all guilty (yes even you reading this). Different cultures have different layers of bias when it comes to women and their duties and the roles they should play. 

So how are we going to do our bit to support other women?

To become aware of your own bias … Some questions you can ask yourself…

How are they expressed?

How do my actions contribute towards the glass ceiling for other women in workplaces?

What is the one thing I can change this year to help my journey and unpack my own bias?

Women have to work 3/4 folds harder to show that they are capable of doing a job well - and the pressure is real.

I have experienced women who tone their femininity down in workplaces because they want to be taken more seriously. They feel they have to show up and perform in a certain tone and dress sense in order to be seen and heard. In some instances, we might understand these attributes to be more masculine. This leads to women in leadership roles becoming more assertive, controlling and dominant. Three components that we don't usually expect from our female leaders. 

Women tend to also become more aggressive when there are other women present to help them advance in their careers. It can also be viewed as there is only space for one woman to be on top. The higher the position, the more pressure to find support from other females. There are high expectations from trying to prove themselves of being worthy of that position. 

We need to become aware of our own biases and have measurable expectations.

This can be even harder if you are from a particular ethnic group,  with other factors to play upon your insecurities, such as accents, skin colour, the texture of hair, and the list goes on. 

If you see another woman doing well, use that as an inspiration to run with them, applaud them, and celebrate them! Just as much if you see someone who is going through a rough time and is in need of support, time and some kind words can go a long way! 

Putting Privilege to Action 

Become aware of the privilege you hold. We all have privileges to varying degrees.

 This can also be viewed as understanding the different identities one holds and the privileges each identity comes with or that you have earned. I will use the workplace as an example below to demonstrate my point. 

Every workplace has a different level of responsibility and management to help support the infrastructure to allow for matters to be escalated and for work to flow. Regardless of what level of management you are in, believe it or not, it comes with responsibility. Beyond the ‘I need to do this to make my boss happy and the ‘numbers are all that matter’, there is that responsibility to have morals and to actively listen to the experiences of those that don't have the same privilege and position as you do. 

Making yourself aware of your position can help you identify how to better play your part in a more inclusive workplace.

For example, if you are in a senior position you can volunteer to become a mentor for someone who is less experienced than you. If you are in management, create workshops that will allow people to express themselves with actionable takeaways, enabling everyone in the office to become aware of and do something about the raised issues. 

Working toward how you can use your privilege, or in other words, your influence within an organisation to create opportunities for others can be done in many ways. One example is by offering life coaching for everyone instead of just those in leadership groups. This can be done by collaborating with non-profit organisations like Women In Identity. Being a part of a tribe and a network can be a very powerful tool. 

Not everyone has grown up with the same movies as you or I, or read the same books or even studied with the same curriculum in education. Therefore, be open-minded and avoid shaming someone for the upbringing they have had because some of our biases come from those factors that cannot be ignored. In short, learn to forgive people and continue to support women that can really benefit from it. 

Paying attention to the way your privilege works.

Becoming aware of the decisions you are making and becoming conscious.

It's not about dwelling on what decisions were made that could have been better, but it's about what decisions are I making right now? What decision brought me here?

Clarify what good means to you? What is the good you are trying to create in the world? What is the legacy you want to leave? 

We need to unpack our own biases and work towards real success.

We need to be mindful of the fact that not everyone will agree with the decisions we are making, however, it comes with the responsibility that the decision you make impacts people every day. It is your responsibility to listen to your coworkers and friends to understand what’s coming up for them. Sometimes we just need a trusted person to share our frustrations with and listening is kindness without then turning that into gossip and Chinese whispers. 

Those moments when you come across feedback between what you think is right vs what people around you think is right, those conflicts, those disagreements and those points of tension - that is where the most possibility and opportunity lies to make that difference. This comes down to how you decide to engage at that moment, that is what will go a long way.

Every day we are presented with opportunities where we can make that difference, make an impact and leave our legacy as humans, women, mentors and much more.

We encourage one another, we want to succeed, be part of something incredible.

The idea is to go all in! Give it your all. 

As we are in the run-up to International women's day, make a note of acknowledging the women in your life, in your workplace, in your network, and most importantly women you don't know! Reach out to those women and tell them that they are doing a great job and ask them how they got there? 

Here are some of the women in my networks that I have had the pleasure to work with over the years or have made a true impact. Not just as women within the identity space, but who also lead by example. I invite you to engage and connect with them. 

• Emma Lindley MBE - Co-founder of Women In Identity 

• Kate Oldham - Executive Director at Women in Identity 

• Jo Schofield - Director Of Customer Success at Veriff 

• Christabel Bugla - Vice President of Customer Success at AuthID.ai

• Nia Barnabie - Vice President of Revenue Operations at OneWeb

• Kimberly Sutherland - Vice President of Fraud LexisNexis 

• Kay Chopard - Executive Director at Kantara Initiative

• Kari Mayfield - Head Of Diversity Equity, Inclusion at Ping Identity 

• Elena Nedelcu - Senior Manager, Global Technical Support at Ping Identity 

Written by Razia Ali